Carolina Gray aka Cobra Doll is a Berlin-based painter, illustrator, and mixed media artist. Below she explores the life experiences that created the artist she is today.

Portrait of the Artist in her Studio in Berlin

Transient American Childhood

Utah: Born

I was born in Utah but grew up in the South. Namely Charleston and Atlanta. I lived in Utah until I was about 5 so don’t remember much, but I visited a while back and it was beautiful. I’d love to explore the mountain regions properly one day.

Charleston: Kid
I lived in Charleston in the late 80s, early 90s. It was such a different city then. Most of my memories are of our backyard, where a dock led to the salt marsh. My parents and I would cast nets to find interesting creatures, and watch dolphins or porpoises swim by. This led to my obsession with the ocean and the mysteries it holds. The beach was not a far bike ride to reach. I’d spend time cycling around the island and taking it all in. Charleston felt idyllic and dreamy until Hurricane Hugo hit in 1989.

Atlanta: Teen Years
We lived in the suburbs of Atlanta during my teen years. I’d travel into the city to take art classes like preliminary studies of composition and still-life drawing. When I wasn’t in class, my girlfriends and I would spend entire evenings at bookstores reading international art and fashion magazines. These magazines and my collection of occult books became my primary source of creative inspiration. Collages cut from my magazines and rave flyers covered my entire bedroom, even the ceiling. Each piece represented everything I loved and the places I dreamed of going. I used to have a photo of it but it’s long gone now. This was my window into a much larger world.

I was in the rave scene in the 90s, and the music coming out of Europe led me to explore the arts there. I went out of my way to discover the origins of my favorite tracks and became really interested and invested in the culture. This made me feel a need to explore Europe even more.

This piece is titled, well, abruptly “Vaginal Palm Caress”
Composed of rachis palm tree part, thread, yard enamel on canvas 22x28x4″/56x71x10.15cm.
Here is an example of a discarded section of a palm tree very common to find in areas where they grow along the coastlines of many parts of the world depending on the species. This is from my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina. Probably found on Sullivan’s Island during a walk. I’ve always loved this part of the tree, I love triangular shapes, I believe they are one of the strongest shapes in geometry. It has a context of labia on the human body form if you see it so. Working with pure white gives it a sensuous quality, an essence of softness and tenderness to the structure. I studied fashion and love to sew into many of my pieces, and the yarn hugging at the tail bit of “her” has a sense of protection and mystique. I love working in 3D and will in the future make a collection this way.

Université

Paris: University Years

I studied French in High School, and I loved it. I had a collection of Italian and French fashion books. I remember feeling a natural draw to everything ‘french’ even as a kid. My parents bought me a children’s book to learn French, outfitted in a memorable pink cover. I visited Paris for the first time in 1999 and immediately fell in love with it, meeting many amazing people. Straight from high school, I moved to Paris.
My French isn’t bad but I’d love to be fully fluent someday soon. I spent the first quarantine in Nice on the French Riviera which made me realize I’m not far from fluency while watching local tv.

While in Paris, I took a fashion course at Parsons where I focused on couture and lingerie. I came to understand it’s a wildly tough industry to stay afloat in. Professors taught us “what sells”, which is great for anyone wanting to make a living off fashion. The courses were hardcore because that’s what fashion is. My designs and creations were always outside of the box, hand-sewn lace dresses dripping in inks, large snake-like patterns on the back of silkscreens. I did a foundation course and the old ‘geezers’ in admissions told me to go into Fine Art. I always wonder what would have been my future if I had shown my Parisian fashion portfolio too, but alas here we are. Ultimately, the experience left me feeling disheartened and I decided to leave Paris.

Voodoo Study
Oil, Enamel, Ink, and Acrylic on Canvas, 61x213x4cm/24x84x1,6 inches
This is an older piece, in which I was having (still always do) a voodoo exploration in shapes, and creating my own “veve” on canvas. These are representations of spirits in rituals. One of my fondest memories is walking along the Seine and picking up a voodoo book from a bouquinistes, where I learned many symbols. I had the freedom and space to explore different materials, such as spray paint on top of the ink and letting it slide around. So much of what I do is experimentation. This method created a ghostly feeling to the painting. There is sewing involved, and enamel and abstraction.

Paris, London, Berlin

London: Young Adult

After Paris, I moved to London because of its vibrancy and edginess. I always took Eurostar flights there to see art shows and friends and go to the clubs. I use the past tense because I still love London, but I feel this is the stage Berlin is at now. London feels saturated and gentrified now but maybe it’s just my age.

Today: Berlin
I currently reside in Berlin, Germany.
Funny enough, I met someone who got signed to a record label here, and made the jump from NYC to come to experience it with them years ago. They’re gone now, and I’ve stayed. I made a nice network of friends that I consider family, and can’t think of many places that would parallel with how free and experimental it is here. During these trying times for many of us, I have been focusing on my practice as much as I can. I also want to be back by the ocean, by the Med, to work on other collections. Travel permitting. That being said, all in all, I hope we can emerge from this not too scathed but I see a lot of my fellow artists and creatives in very different states doing what we can to survive it. We still have a long way to go, I fear, and I believe supporting each other along the way is key.

On Finding Art

I’ve always been into drawing, even since I was a little girl growing up by the ocean. I’ve never stopped since then. I’ve always been fascinated by the world, always doodling images in my textbooks, drawing on notes. That kind of kid. I had rich encouragement from my family and made like-minded artistic friends at a young age, we are drawn to each other. When you connect with another creative in conversation at the cafe or bar, even when you’re in school, there is a natural affinity towards another who can think outside the box like you do.

My first memory of creating something is when I drew little fishes in a photo album of sea creatures taken while snorkeling in the Florida Keys, but it must have been many little “illustrations” before then.

I originally wanted to be a marine biologist, then a fashion designer. Both these professions still interest and influence me on the sidelines.

My Art

It’s an exploration of nature, color, form and general experimentation with material. I pull a lot from spontaneity and emotion.

I use the words “nature occultist” often. I have always been an avid “collector” of naturally discarded debris from mother nature I find taking walks, hikes, and etc. I find inspiration in the texture, shapes, and history of the objects. I can visualize 2d and 3d homages to their nature, or find new meanings in their history.

Homage as like, profound respect to their evolutionary biology such as how they [plants, fungi, and animals] adapted to survive in the world, their inner workings and what drives them; instinct, procreation, survival. And how each living thing uniquely does this. This also ties into their “history”.

I like reinventing images or items into new things to create my own narrative from them. An object can have certain regard, and I am able to transform or evolve it into something new. A transformation or metamorphosis. Perhaps completely unrelated to what it once was.

Serpent Abstraction from Still Life #Blue
Acrylic, oil, oil pastel, ink, and pencil on paper 64x44cm/25×17.3”
This is one of the more recent series I’ve been working on since last winter in Berlin. It’s a subject I can always return to and something new comes out each time. Before I was working in a calligraphy style in Charleston, which is somewhat softer. In this case, I am using an eastern diamondback rattlesnake skin found in South Carolina, as a still-life, and creating studies in very free-flowing broken down geometry. Most of this series has been black and white. I’ve always had an affinity for snakes. It’s quite personal but I believe in the spirit world they are protectors. This piece was quite a violent angry sketch I made during a troubling time in the summer, and it surprisingly turned out really exciting and fun. I was able to take my oils out for the first time since they were stuck in storage during quarantine so that was also thrilling.

Creative Process: Mixed Media

When I start my mixed media pieces, I start with the objects themselves, usually discarded animal skins, exoskeletons, dried flowers, and form something from that based on the composition I have in my mind. I sketch things out in advance but this is not always necessary.

Creative Process: Paintings

With my paintings, it’s more fluid. I start with a pencil and study a form. Or if I’m feeling really “naughty” I just get into it and feel my way through. During the recent Covid lockdown, I have been returning to pure painting and experimenting with folding the canvases on top of each other. It’s quite interesting simply to see how the materials behave. In this process, I am getting back into the raw practice of seeing what happens when you collide different paints and textures.

Overcoming Creative Blocks

Ha…every artist’s worst nightmare and it happens to us all.
I let myself have a break.
I try to find inspiration by going to galleries and looking at other artists’ work.
I am inspired by nature so I take walks to the park, the beach, or even around my apartment and see what I find.
I don’t force anything. If you aren’t feeling something, it’s best to ride it out at times and let it come to you.
I’m always inspired by the world. But that doesn’t always mean you have the mental pow-wow to put it into a visual context, and that’s okay.

Sümerya snake skin study,
Ink, pencil, and charcoal on watercolor paper, 12×24”
Another snakeskin still-life study piece, with lots of color and pop. I like to switch up the way I approach the subject matter in a variety of different materials and explore the variations.

Challenges

Trying to get yourself out there is always a struggle for artists, and it’s a hurdle you can never give up on. You will have times of self-defeat and times of hubris. I think it’s important to not be too hard on oneself but also be a good critic of oneself too. In this day and age social media has opened up a platform for so many of us to really connect with a newer audience that wasn’t available before, and it is one of the positive things to come out of tech. Also, moving around a lot, between countries and cities, as I have, through life’s trials and tribulations have proven very hard to strain on my resources and energy. Rebuilding a lot and moving forward is something I am strong at though, and I seem to find a way.

Serpent Abstraction from Still Life
Acrylic, oil, pencil, and charcoal on paper 64x44cm
This one is pure oil painting on paper. This is the black and white I was talking about from before. I love working with just black and white. I also love dressing in just black and white. These have a very ghostly feel to them. It feels like the piece is slithering on the paper, about to strike right out.

Inspiration

I am inspired by the flora and fauna of mother nature. I’m also inspired by little details like a gas stain in water, its colors, and shapes. Any city that I’ve lived in, such as NYC and Berlin, also offers a lot of inspiration, even from paint peeling off derelict buildings, broken concrete, random shrapnel on the ground. I find beauty in the smallest of light, or detail. I like abstracting my vision.

Bad Art Vs. Good Art

I wouldn’t say I “dislike” any type of art… but we all do in some way, don’t we? I would say if I don’t get an initial personal response from it and resonate with it, I can’t really get involved with it internally, then I can’t say I enjoyed it. It happens all the time when I gallery hop, but not entirely. I always find pleasure in what others are creating, what they are exploring, and experiencing or want us to consider.

Good Art, where do I start? Francis Bacon, Sarah Lucas, Rothko, Hans Bellmer, Andreas Greiner, Radcliffe Bailey, Louise Bourgeois, Jordine Voigt, Lee Bul, off the top of my head are my more well-known favorites. There are so many more, I’m always discovering new amazing artists. Berlin is lucky to have lots of galleries that have quality talent that I’m always learning.

Blood Copper Light,
horseshoe crab shell, enamel, thread, copper wires, acrylic on canvas. 30x40x7”/76×101.5x18cm
I’ve been doing these horseshoe crab things in different ways for a couple of years now. First created for a group show in Berlin. And before, in private experiments at my place in Friedrichshain. Once I returned home to the US during winter in 2019, I was walking on the beach and found two mammoth shells lying, half still with rot inside, way up from the surf in the reeds. I took them home and went through the painstaking way to actually get them “clean”, which is no easy feat, especially because the smell can be unbelievable. I wanted to make a sculpture and decided I would mount it on a homemade canvas and sew and glue the broken pieces with yarns and copper wires as their blood is blue and copper-based, it is an expensive commodity in the medical industry and might even be used to help treat covid 19. These have been on display in a hotel in Charleston, not far from where they are harvested for their blood. One is white like this, the other black.

Creative Aesthetic

I have always been an avid lover of animals. I have at times felt closer to them than people, especially when I was growing up. In times of turmoil, the only solace I have ever felt is being with nature. She is truly the highest form of healing and peace that I can personally find. It’s been known to have restorative properties for therapy and connection to oneself.

In art class at University, I was more focused on sexual work. That still shows through in my art, as most art is highly sexual in some form, even if it’s not immediately noticeable to the untrained eye. How it developed for me at first was more abrasive, totem-like, and maybe even kitsch. I have started to break down these ideas into softer forms, and play on them in a more calm contact. During my early years, my works were probably more attention-seeking. As I’ve gotten older I’ve started to relax and feel more at peace with my subjects and life in general.

Why Create?

Perhaps for some of us, mortality is a worry or a drive. I’ve never personally felt any real need to leave anything behind so to speak. It was never about this, having to leave a stain on the world. I am a very personal person and it was always just a way to feel my way through things, it gives me a sense of pleasure that not much else can. Not that I would say no to creating a pyramid for myself one day though.

I have never remembered a time when I wasn’t creating. I guess you can say I feel it’s ingrained in my DNA. This is a common answer for a lot of artists and the like, but it’s true! I don’t really have a political message, I’m a highly sensory-based individual and so for me, it’s all about the senses.

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